Kym – I strongly agree that motherhood is not a rat race! There is no good, better or best mother in the world. All of us are trying our very best to provide to our children. We all love our children more than our own lives. I’m glad to hear that you have such a good helper than you can trust, and the fact that she is like a family member to you.

Karen – Since the day I was born, I was taken care by my mother. She is a housewife, and my dad couldn’t afford to hire a helper for her. She managed the household and took care of 3 children by herself. I can imagine how stressful were her motherhood days. After I became a mother, I appreciate her even more. I’m also very close to her. Now, being a working mother with a maid, I try to find a balance between us. I want to be hands-on on all motherhood tasks, at the same time, I can still find some ME time.

Catherine – My husband always say that too – let the maid do it, why tire yourself! He wants me to rest over the weekend after a long week at work. But I choose to get busy with all the motherhood chores. Then come Sunday night, I complained about being tired again. Hehehe! I’m a strange person!

My daughter really likes her too, so when my husband and I have to go out, we feel rest assured with leaving our daughter with our maid. At times, I would question myself.. couldn’t I do more. But, no I couldn’t. Maternal instincts were not my core competency.. so, that was that. Needless to say, my daughter was my attached to my maid, but having said that, she was attached to my husband and I too. but because we treated our maid as part of the family, our daughter did so too.

Then, my #2 came along, and maybe that transformed me. I still don’t do all the menial labour because I can’t. I don’t really think that anything has changed on my end, but for sure, for my daughter, she sticks to me like a leech, despite being so close to my maid. She knows that I am Mummy. So does my son. My daughter still likes my maid, but she has a preference now. I would actually be very upset if she had just decided to “chuck” the maid for good, because that is not the core values that I wish to impart to her.

So, the purpose of this post, is really to tell all the mothers out there who rely heavily on maids, or feel guilty for not spending enough time with their kids, or don’t feel as maternal as they think they should.. is that, the earth is round just like how our children will be our children. Whether we rely on the maid or not, at the end of the day, when we tell our kids “I love you”, in the kind and gentle mummy voice that we use, that is something that cannot be substituted with a live-in helper.

Motherhood is not a rat race where we compete who breastfeeds longer, who sleeps with their kids, who flash cards at their children. It is doing to the best of our ability, whatever that may be, to provide for our children.

Just to share my experience.

I was looked after by a Philippine helper since I was born as my parents were always very busy at work. There were times when I didn’t even get to talk to them during the weekdays. Thus, I was very close to the helper & I have to admit that 16 years since we parted, I still miss her. Of course I love my parents, however, a part of me felt sad as I didn’t have much bonding time with them during my childhood years.

Now that I’m a working mother with a 14 month old baby and had engaged a stay-in helper (for past 1 year +). I’m determine to be involved in as much in my son’s upbringing as I can. I’ve switched to working part time and the helper’s main responsibility is to help out with housework. She’ll help to feed my son only when I’m really in a rush or stand in to play with him while I take a bath. On my off days, I’ll go out with my son alone for some mother-son time. My son adores my helper (she’s very good at playing with toddlers) and is attached to me (since we spend most time doing things together and I take care of his needs). To me, this is the perfect balance in a maid-mother-child relationship. It’s a win-win situation. My helper has less work to do (mainly housework & is always free in the afternoon) while I’m busy bonding with my son.

I bring my maid out so that she can “enjoy” her weekend with us. Otherwise, she will be super bored being at home 24/7. And sometimes, she also needs to buy her own personal stuff. With her around, I can enjoy my meal with peace with my husband. Otherwise, I can’t even eat properly!

I agree, when your #2 comes along, you will need more help from the maid.

Thanks for sharing your opinion.