Parenting

Thoughts on Parenting: One Child vs. Two

mother of twoLittle Edison is now two years old and soon, he will start schooling. It seems like he has entered into an easy-to-look-after stage now. Except for his occasional tantrums, he is actually quite an easy boy. We have a good helper as well as parents-in-law to help taking care of him.

During the weekdays, we will send our helper and Edison to my parents-in-law’s house before we go to work. If we are busy, my parents-in-law will drive to our house to pick them up. After work, my husband and I will return to my parents-in-law’s house for dinner. Finally, we return to our home sweet home after Edison is fed and showered.

Our life in general has settled into a nice and manageable routine. Little Edison is happy. Every one of us has a fair share of time to spend with him. We have our personal time and we also hang out together as a family. It’s wonderful. The happiness that Edison brought into our life is beyond measure.

Each month goes by and we see our son growing up healthily and happily. Again, we come to a stage where we are considering the implications of having our second child. We had many rounds of discussion about this topic but we still cannot conclude.

If we have our second child, who is going to take care of him/her? Personally, I do not want to add anymore burden to my parents-in-law. They have sacrificed a lot of time for us and Little Edison. At their retirement age, they should be enjoying their freedom and social life now.

I am not keen to find a babysitter. Leaving my baby with a complete stranger is a big NO to me. Perhaps I can find a good infant care center for my second child. But if my baby grows up in the infant care center and Edison spends most of his time with his grandparents, there seems to be no bonding between them. It doesn’t make sense at all!

If I stop at ONE, Edison will get rather lonely when he grows up. I’ve grown up in a family of three kids. Even when I live far away from both of my siblings but when we do get together, the bonds that get renewed are so special and meaningful – our shared childhood memories, our similar viewpoints and understanding.

What about quitting my job? I simply couldn’t bear to leave this job as it pays well and I enjoy working with my company. At the risk of being labeled as a kiasu mother, I just have to say – I need an income so that I can give my children a good quality of life, i.e. good schools, private tutors, better healthcare, yearly holidays etc. Income equals security.

I’m still in a dilemma. Career or baby #2? There is a lot to think about.

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4 Comments

  • Reply
    mico
    November 9, 2009 at 9:14 AM

    haa.. dilemma i went through too. But thinking of letting my missy all alone when we grow old, we decide to take the challenge another time. We love her too much that we always think of what’s best for her, including a little sibling for companion. ironic huh.

    last time my mum is fit to look after my missy, now she is not, so i already follow the flow by putting her to childcare and next bb will be to nanny.

    It’s just these few years that’s a bit difficult, after they are 5 or so, things will be easier. just make the right choice on the caretaker and spend as much time with them.

    The best we can do, as working parents 🙂

    Hope you make your right choice.

    • Reply
      Emily
      November 9, 2009 at 10:46 AM

      Hi Mico,
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. The first few years are going to be extra challending with 2 kiddos. I admire your courage to have your second baby. I will work on building up my courage before I really “try” it. Anyway, age is catching up too. That’s another concern. Haha!

  • Reply
    Rachel
    November 10, 2009 at 4:20 PM

    Hi Emily,
    my #1 is 3yrs and 9mths, my #2 is coming to 10mths. i agree its not a
    easy decision when comes to deciding to try or not to try for #2,
    especially everyone has been enjoying the routine and our 1st born are
    so much easier to take care of as compare to when they were still
    infant.

    the tot of routine being mess up, having to take care of a newborn
    all over again, the future logistic… kind of scary and dreadful ya?

    but still we went ahead to try for our #2 and bingo he arrived into
    our little family. its challenging, its crazy, its so tired but all
    worth it!

    when you are ready, you are ready to face all the challenges ahead.
    =)

    cheers
    Rachel

    • Reply
      Emily
      November 10, 2009 at 4:23 PM

      Hi Rachel,
      I really appreciate that you sent me an e-mail on your thoughts on this topic, despite the error in posting in my blog comment section.
      Thanks for your encouragement, and I agree, we just have to bite the bullet and go for it if we want to have a second child.

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