Parenting

Having Children

I was reading the Sept issue of Mother & Baby magazine last night, and I came across an article about families who embraced five or more children. Quoted by a mother of five in the article, she said “You’ll not regret having a big brood, but you’ll regret having only one child.”

I wasn’t pleased with her statement. First of all, regret is a strong word. Secondly, I can’t fully comprehend why she has to impose what she thinks onto others, just because we don’t fit into her mould.

Having children is a personal option. I can never understand why some people feel the need to comment on couples who stop at one or choose not to have kids. Having a child is not a necessity. Although the purpose of life is to raise offspring to adulthood, it does not mean that everyone has to do so.

Frankly, having children is no fun at all. They are expensive, tend to break things and always around to dominate our lives. Giving birth is also very painful, not to mention the nine months of pregnancy and the whole host of discomforts – morning sickness, abdominal pain and breast engorgement.

During the first year, we have to wake periodically throughout the night to feed, burp and change the diaper. We’re forced to learn how to function with minimal sleep. Temper and tantrums coming up next in the second year. Going out with kids in tow is just as difficult too. Even when we want to steal a few hours for ourselves, we have to ensure that our kids are well taken care of by their babysitters.

Being a parent is as close to a 24/7 job. Life will revolve around the child. It’s a lot of hard works, only punctuated by occasional happy and proud moments. It’s the LOVE for the child that makes all these efforts well worth.

For the mother of five I mentioned above, she is also a working mom. She is fortunate to have her mother, mother-in-law and two foreign maids to take care of her five children. Not every one is as fortunate as her to have so many extra pairs of hands.

Take me for example; my mother is not staying in Singapore. My mother-in-law is not in her pinkest of health, I can’t possibly burden her with another baby. She is currently taking care of Little Edison, with the help of my maid. At this point of my life, I’m still not ready to give up my career. As a matter of fact, baby #2 is still not in my plan yet – although I do crave for a baby girl occasionally.

I’m happy to have Little Edison in my life. When I close my eyes, I can imagine how perfect this family size is. I want to enjoy everything about him, have the time and ability to be the best mother for him, have my own career and financially secured.

I just hope I won’t hear comments like “you’ll regret having only one child” anymore.

 

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11 Comments

  • Reply
    Joy
    September 1, 2010 at 6:39 PM

    Hi Emily,
    I read with agreement as well as amusement. Aint you imposing your own idea too?

    Well, we are all entitled to our own definitations and ideas of how our life should be run. I think the reader herself is happy and so are you. We should be open to different opinions and I believe those people who tried to advise you to have a 2nd kid all meant well.

    • Reply
      Emily
      September 2, 2010 at 9:32 AM

      Hi Joy,
      I’m not imposing my own idea, I’m just trying to defend. You are right, we all have our own definitions of happiness and our perfect family lives. I’m always open to different opinions too.

      Don’t get me wrong, I’m not angry at people who advise me to have #2. I know that they all meant well. I just dislike those who say “hey, you will regret having just one kid!” I’ll never regret with any decisions that I’ve made.

      Again, it’s NOT the number of children that matters. It’s about how we raise them & educate them, so that they will grow up to be independent, responsible and sensible adults. Am I right? 🙂

  • Reply
    MieVee @ MummysReviews.com
    September 2, 2010 at 1:48 AM

    Perhaps the statement should be reworded as “Some parents may regret having only one child, but none would regret having a brood.”

    I married to KL, away from mum, and take care of my boy full-time. 24/7 mothering is very challenging indeed. Have no.2 only when you are ready. 🙂

    • Reply
      Emily
      September 2, 2010 at 9:16 AM

      Hi MieVee,
      It’s indeed challenging. How’s life in KL? I haven’t been to KL for more than 8 years. My last trip was during my uni-days with my ex-coursemates. I heard from my friends that shopping is great in KL.

      I fully agree with you. Having #2 when we r fully ready – mentally & financially… 🙂

  • Reply
    sam
    September 2, 2010 at 3:21 AM

    haha. I have 4. But I regret having even one. I don’t crave for any kids, only those of others. Happy now? ;-D

    • Reply
      Emily
      September 2, 2010 at 9:18 AM

      Hi Sam,
      You r a super mommy now. 🙂 I’m sure you love kids a lot. Frankly, I don’t really like children. Coupled with my impatience, I really can’t handle too many children. 🙂 Are you a working mom too?

  • Reply
    mico
    September 2, 2010 at 9:23 AM

    I have two which i think is just nice for me. agree that the writer should not assume how everyone feels of having more than one child. one or two or more ot none is the couple’s choice. It depends on lifetsyle u look after.. and commitment that you are willing to take on.. so long we are happy with what we have !

    • Reply
      Emily
      September 2, 2010 at 9:38 AM

      Hi Mico,
      Thanks for your comment. I fully agree with u – what’s important is to be happy with what we have. 🙂

      Btw, I spotted the Gymboree 30% sale in the overseas spree. But I haven’t seen JXMUM’s thread yet. If have, I will order from her again.

  • Reply
    mico
    September 2, 2010 at 9:54 AM

    really? i want to order too.. haaa.. shopping online really can burn a hole in our pocket.. but shiok le..

    • Reply
      Emily
      September 2, 2010 at 5:34 PM

      Hi Mico,
      Online shopping is addictive, but therapeutic to working mothers too. Hehe! 🙂 Still better than online gambling, am I right?

      I’m late again, JXMUM’s spree is closed. She is a very popular organizer. Last week, I wanted to join her Old Navy spree. I saw it in the morning. When I wanted to place my order at night, her spree was already closed. At the end, I joined another organiser.

  • Reply
    sam
    September 2, 2010 at 9:53 PM

    aiyoh – i never liked kids, but was neutral to having them. But after having them, I hate the idea of having kids. NEVER again.

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