Baby # 2: Yes or No?

While I’m searching for a photo in my blog archives, I stumbled upon an old post written by me two years ago. It reminds me that I actually started thinking about having baby # 2 since two years ago. Two years have passed in a blink of an eye, and I am in fact, still undecided. Omg, what am I doing?

Some days, I do feel confident about producing baby # 2 next year. Other times, when I look at Little Edison, I feel that one is certainly more than enough. He has settled into an easy-to-look-after stage now. Our life in general has settled into a nice and balanced routine too.

The Hubby and I are at a stage where we’re seriously considering the actual implications between having another baby and stopping at one. If we have only one child, will Little Edison grow up spoilt and lonely? And if we have baby #2, will I go bonkers trying to juggle career and motherhood?

If we only have Little Edison, he will be able to pursue his tertiary education overseas. He will have nice clothes, cool toys, yearly vacation and most importantly, a chance to go to better school. Whatever his interest is, we’ll be able to support him financially without batting an eyelid.

If we have another baby, he may not get the full attention and care from us. We may have to think twice before signing him up for enrichment programs. Even if money is not a problem, we may not have time to send him there. Vacation will be totally out of the picture too (for at least 3 years), not to mention other issues like sleep deprivation etc.

Have you been in this stage before?

I grew up in a family of three kids. Being the eldest child, I witnessed the hardship that my parents went through to take care of us and support us all the way to the university. At the end, they are left with little savings and they are dependent on their children’s monthly allowance. I don’t wish for the same thing to happen to us. I want to give my son a good life without having to worry about financial issues, now and in future.

On the flip side, a friend once told me, if Little Edison doesn’t have a sibling, he will be all alone when we are no longer in this world. Well, this is food for thought to me. I hope that he will find a life partner and get married when we’re still around.

The most critical aspect is who is going to take care of baby #2 when we’re at work? I have had bad experiences with infant care center. I’m not keen to hire a foreign maid again. My parents-in-law are tied-up taking care of Little Edison and I can’t possibly burden them with another baby.

I’m also not willing to give up my career. Recently, I’ve been promoted to a managerial position. It is one of the most significant career advancement in my life and the remuneration is attractive too. I want to build-up my retirement savings and be financially-independent for as long as possible. So, quitting my job is not an option too.

So, is it really possible to have a balanced work-life, with tolerable stress level while being a mother of two children? I love to hear your views, especially if you are a working mother of two or more children.

Will I have more children? I don’t know. My age is catching up too, that’s a known fact. Maybe I should look at more babies to motivate myself.

 

Comments

  1. mico says

    I would say, Yes, at least Edison will have sibling, it’s different with friends/cousins.. and i tell u.. how tough it is.. we have more help than out parents so im sure u can do it.. Many mothers can do it with more than 1 kid.. so can we ! and it’s so much joy to have our kids around. and hey, if we have two kids, they kinda replace us after we are gone.. so, we do out part to remain the population. haa.

  2. Lacy says

    Hi Emily, I am in the same boat as u. I have a 4 yr old dd and I am still not able to decide to go for no2 or not? I second your opinion on finance, retirement , and giving the best for no1. I completely agree on all that. This post of yours I exactly what’s going in in my mind too. Am not working but still so many things to consider . But my dd keeps all her toys aside and says it’s for the baby. Well she says that because I keep asking her whether she likes to have a sibling. One day when we were in the train I saw her gently touching a babies hand who was seated next to us oh my when I saw that I felt so bad and guilty . There r moments I think I should just go for it without a second thought and there are times I think one is enough. Gosh it’s so confusing…I have a elder sis and I really value sibling relationship. But reality bites!!!

  3. rac says

    same here. my gal who is coming 4.5 yos asked me 3 times (i rem them very clearly) why she dont hv a bro. i hv no ans for her. but then as she grows older, i starts to get paranoid if the age gap is too big & since the gap is so big, might as well not hv #2. but at times when i see her watching others (with siblings) play together, i feel absolutely gutted
    so, emily, if u ask me, pls hv a #2 while edison is still not too old.

  4. Huey ling says

    From my point of view, you should have yr 2nd child fast. Your body won’t wait for you. Every year, your energy level will decrease. It is good to try to give birth to baby when young when your body is at your prime. Finance is not your main concern. So why ask yourself so many qns like: what, why, how, etc… The more you think, the more troubled you will get. Everything comes with a sacrifice. But returns are much greater than all the sacrifices, rite. I agree it will not be easy. But you will get the hang of it after some time. There will always be ways through in all situation and circumstances. God will make a way for you. All the best and go for your 2nd bundle of joy. I hope to receive great news from you soon. :)

  5. Jennie says

    If both of you are ok with the idea of having #2 but just can’t decide whether to have or not, why not let nature takes its course? Give yourselves a time frame … if preggie, then go for it! On the contrary, if you are still not preggie at the end of the time frame, then stick to just one. =)

  6. says

    Dear Emily,
    Don’t pressure yourself. But give it a thought of how it can work (e.g. caretaker and all) before planning.
    If you would like to plan for a girl, I can share my own experience with you which I have been sharing with my circle of friends. Drop me a note when you are ready. Not 100% guaranteed, it’s just a sharing of experience.

  7. Karen H says

    Hi, I gave birth recently to my second son 4 months ago. The age gap between the first born and second one is 2.5 years apart. Yes, it took me a few months to adjust to life with new baby. I’m glad I have ample help from my parents, in-laws and a good domestic helper. I’m also working part-time so that I can spend more time with the kids. I think the best gift a mother can give to the older child is a sibling. It helps him to learn essential concepts of sharing, of knowing that he can’t get what he wants and people’s attention all the time etc. Most importantly, I know that after my hubby and I pass away, my sons will still have each other. Yes, with two kids, our finances are stretched even further. I will not be able to send my kids to extra enrichment classes like many parents do (or rather OVER-do). But well, as long we live a comfortable life, give them a happy childhood and good education, I think it’s okay.

    • Emily says

      Dear Readers,
      Thanks for all your encouraging and heartwarming comments. I deeply appreciate them. The Hubby and I have decided to give it a try. But if I’m still not successful by my 35th birthday, then we will seriously consider to stop at one. :)

      At last a decision has been made and we have a target to move on.

  8. mico says

    Emily,

    Hope to hear from you on this again ! all the best ! by the way, mind sharing how you make the photo one side with words and one side photo ? can photoscape do this? Thanks

    • Emily says

      Hi Mico,
      I use Picasa. It’s a freeware, you can download from the internet. Easy to use too. :)

  9. mei says

    Ha I have exactly the same feeling. My dd is abt 4 yrs old and I’m 37. Really feel old to have another child. At the same time, is this right? It will be good if my dd could have a sibling. But…..no answer….

  10. ivy lock says

    happen to see this post, just when i also have the same dilemma as you. My girl is 2.5 years old now, and im still thinking – to have or not to have.. being a full time working mom/partner of a small company, i really find it hard to have time for family. Good luck & all the best emily!

    • Emily says

      Dear Ivy,
      Thanks for your comment. As this point of time, I can say that I’ve given up on trying for a 2nd baby. It’s difficult to take care of another baby now. I can no longer wake up at 2am and 5am to feed. I’ll probably faint in my office if I’m sleep-deprived. Haha!

      All the best & good luck to you, Ivy!

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