A Letter to My Little Big Boy

Dear Edison,

My eyes tear a little as I read about your birth story again. I look at this baby picture of you in full admiration, and that question pops up in my mind again. Has it really been five years?

Baby Edison

Yes, it has been five wonderful years with you!

Five years ago, I gave birth to you – a beautiful baby boy whose hair smelled just like sweet popcorn. You are the miracle who made me a mother. I still remember the day you were born, you looked so small and fragile as you nestled in my arms.

Baby Edison 2

I still remember the cheerful mornings when you woke up with a bright smile, and also the sleepless nights when you fidgeted and cried. And I still remember feeling blue when I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care if you. All these memories are still fresh in my mind.

Here you are today, five years later …

Edison is five!

I honestly can’t believe that you’re turning six in September this year. You’re a smart, funny, loving and sociable little boy. As I watch you grow every day, I’m increasingly amazed at how wonderful a person you’re becoming.

Sure you have your quirks and meltdowns which drive me batty sometimes, but who doesn’t have them. Yours is very minimal because you’re well-behaved most of the time. Thank you for being such a good boy.

You started school in Jan 2010, which marked an important milestone in your life. The hardest part of me is learning to let go, even though I knew that it’s a ridiculous notion to wish that you were with me all the time, and I can’t possibly protect you from the lessons of life. You just have to learn and grow with them.

You have to learn to defend yourself when I’m not around, speak up when you need something, stand up against class bully, and most importantly, to protect yourself from dangers.

Yes, it has been five wonderful years with you, and sometimes, I still tear up when I see you acting all grown-up and highly independent. I’m silly like that, I know.

When I’m with you, I worry about not doing enough for you as a mom. But when I’m not with you, I wonder what you’re up too and when you’ll need me. Motherhood has never been easy, but I’ve definitely learnt to adjust and adapt with the different stages of our lives.

Dear son, today I’ve a very important message for you. You may be too young to understand it now, but I hope you’ll understand it when you grow up.

Now that I’m battling a rare disease, sometimes I’m shaken by negative thoughts that I might have to leave you one day. I’ve tried to stay positive and focus on doing what needs to be done, rather than to dwell-on the what-ifs.

I take appropriate medical treatment no matter how costly it is, because I want to be with you for as long as I can. I trust my doctor, and I believe he’ll be able to restore my health one day.

But just in case my condition turns awry, please forgive me for being an imperfect mom, for not being able to take care of you, and for not being able to give you a sibling like most other children have.

In the meantime, I’ll enjoy and I’ll treasure every single day, and every single moment I spend with you. Before I end this letter, let me just tell you once more that I love you more than anything else in this world.

Love, Mommy …

Comments

    • says

      Hi Dom,
      That’s the beauty of keeping a blog actually. When our kids grow up and read our blogs, I’m sure they will bring those precious memories back to them. :)

  1. says

    Hi Emily, I share the same thoughts with you especially when they were just born and it seems like yesterday. They are rapidly growing up and at the same time, we worry about their coping skills in the outside world. At times, I wished to have more time with them too but neverthless, it’s not going to be since I am a working mum. Your son when he read your blog in the near future will appreciate what you have been doing (blogging) about the important milestone/events that had been happening. It will bring a tear to him….

    • says

      Hi Ally,
      Even if we are SAHM, we can’t be with them 24/7. Most importantly, we’re with them whenever they need us and on important events like their birthdays, parent-teacher meeting, school events and so on. There are life lessons that they need to learn by themselves.

  2. Louis N Steff says

    *big hugz* my dear u will be ok… Stay positive and happy thoughts!!! U need to stay strong to go thru exams and tests with ur little boy and to see him date and get married… Hehe… U will be ok!

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