I’m contemplating whether I should transfer my helper back to my agent and get a replacement. Her performance is deteriorating recently. And it worsens every time she gets a scolding from Daddy V.
No doubt Daddy V is a demanding employer. I talked to him countless times not to be too demanding with the helper but unfortunately, I can’t change him. On the other hand, Pin (our helper) is a slow worker, tends to be forgetful and very emotional. Whenever Daddy V barks at her, she will cry and show her sulky black face all day.
They really drove me up the wall! To be honest, I’ve been very patient with her. I told myself, as long as she takes good care of Little Edison, I should be able to tolerate her slowness. It’s very destructive to change the helper now because it is tedious to get a three-year-old to accept a new helper. And ultimately, there is no perfect maid in the world.
When our previous helper, Niti, left half a year ago, I really had a hard time trying to get Little Edison to accept Pin. If I were to change the helper, I have to go through the ordeal again. It’s such a nightmare!
Last night, when I was in the shower, Little Edison sank his teeth into her hand. I didn’t witness the incident as I was in the bathroom, but I can see the visible teeth marks on her hand. I quizzed him on the incident. He looked down all apologetic and remorseful with big wet eyes. I warned him not to repeat his mistake again or he will be punished. He cried, feeling sad and went to bed.
Pin was unhappy with the incident. When Daddy V got home, he barked at her for some considerably small mistakes that she made. She was even more upset and she cried.
This morning, she was in her usual listless look again. When I asked her to feed Little Edison, she pretended to do it. Fifteen minutes later, she told me that he didn’t want to drink his milk. I knew that she purposely delayed it so that I will take over her job.
At this point, I declare that I couldn’t tolerate with her nonsense anymore. I will give her one last chance. If her performance still doesn’t improve by end of this month, or continue to deteriorate, I will certainly send her back to my agent! It is non-negotiable. Full stop.
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When I was tidying up pictures in my laptop, I found this picture of my first Indonesian maid, Niti and our Little Edison, taken in Christmas last year. Niti returned home four months ago. I wonder how she is doing now. I hope that she has reunited with her family and she is able to find a better job in her own country.
I still think of her once in a while. She is a very good helper, and I admit it’s our loss for not keeping her and renewing her contract. She likes to take pictures when we go out. She told me that she wants to bring these pictures home as remembrance. I feel so sorry for not being able to fulfill such a small request from her. Sigh.
Our new helper, Pin, has been with us for four months now. She is not as good as Niti – I know I shouldn’t compare. Pin is generally a slower worker and her safety awareness is not as good. Apart from these, she is okay. She is hardworking and obedient. Little Edison started to develop a liking for her after three months.
When Pin just came on-board, Little Edison rejected her totally. It was a nightmare to me. Changing a maid when our kids are 2 to 3 years old is a serious business. REALLY. These toddlers are hard to accept changes. It takes three months for our Little Edison to slowly accept Pin. I wouldn’t want to change another helper, unless really necessary.
Overall, Pin’s performance is still meeting our expectations. I’ve accepted the fact that she is slower than Niti. Thus, I will allow more time for her to finish her works. Her spoken English has improved tremendously too. It’s perhaps due to watching Dora the Explorer with Little Edison everyday. She can sing the Dora song too. It’s amazing how a cartoon show can teach English!
Recently, Little Edison allows her to shower him at night (even though I’m around). This is a good sign. I can finally take a break, relax and watch the 7pm show! That’s the way to go!
I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Hopefully, Pin will continue to work with us diligently.
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As promised, I’m going to share with you some important rules in managing our helper (foreign domestic worker) based on my two years of experience. If you intend to hire one, please take some time to read this post. I hope it will be beneficial to you.
Having a total stranger living with us for an extended period of time requires careful management. House rules and reasonable terms of employment are crucial to make our house a favorable workplace for her. It worth every effort to make our relationship works. Simply put, we want things to be formal, I’m the employer and she is the employee but we also want her to feel like part of our family and to be cared about.
First of all, let’s talk about the security. I do not allow my helper to handle the house keys and cash. I lock the door and keep the keys before I go to sleep at night. This is to reduce the risk of her running away or sneaking out at night. But of course, if she has the intention to run away, she can do that anytime during the day. In terms of money, we deposit her salary into her bank account. We provide her with daily necessities, so she doesn’t have to buy them. We don’t have to worry about her stealing money from home.
Secondly, we give her a clear job description and responsibilities. She should know how to prioritize her works and do things on her own initiatives. Her main responsibility is to take care of Little Edison, followed by general house chores which we categorize into the daily, weekly and monthly buckets. Most importantly, the amount of works must be reasonable. If she has too much to do, she may not be able to provide the quality care to Little Edison.
Thirdly, we enforce strict discipline at home. No lying, no stealing, no watching TV on her own, cannot leave the house without permission, no gossiping with the neighbors’ maids, etc. I understand that mistakes are sometimes unavoidable, but she must be candid about her mistakes. Especially in taking care of an active toddler who is prone to bumps and falls, she must report all the accidents to us.
Forth is mutual respect for each other. Our helper came from a different country, with some religious and cultural differences that we need to accommodate. She doesn’t eat pork, thus we have to prepare her meals separately. We allow her to do her prayers in her room at night, but we prohibit the Ramadan fasting. Reason being we’re concerned that it may affect her work and health. We will try to accommodate, but if we can’t, we have to make our position firm.
And finally, trust our own instincts. A good maid agency doesn’t guarantee a good maid. The profiles given by the maid agencies may not be exactly true. I would say that it’s really a matter of luck in searching for a good helper. During the employment, if we feel that we have to reject the helper, we should just do it. Bad feelings often have grounding in truth. After all, we don’t want to suffer from any of the domestic helper drama that makes it to the headlines.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed that things will continue to work out well with my second helper now.
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Our new helper, Pin, has been with us for two months now. So far, she has been very hardworking (although I find her a bit slow). Daddy V commented that she is not careful enough when she is doing her work. True, she accidentally broke the door stopper when she was mopping the floor. True, she dropped a bamboo pole onto the first floor carpark when she was hanging her clothes outside the kitchen. Luckily, the pole landed on the grass without hurting anyone. We gave her a very serious warning about this incident.
True, she forgot to turn off the light in the study room before she went to bed. Lastly, she hanged wet clothes that were still dripping outside the kitchen. The angry Filipina maid from the 6th floor made a complaint to the security guard. In the end, she got a scolding from Daddy V. I warned her that all the maids in this condo are very fierce – they know how to make complaints to the security guards and management office.
Well, is this bad enough? It all happened during her first month of work. By the second month, her work performance has gradually improved. When she just came onboard, she was very quiet, shy and often had her head lowered. Now, she is more outspoken and she is able to converse with us in simple English. Little Edison also picked up some Malay words from her.
She is very good in ironing and folding clothes. This is obviously a plus point for her as I really hate ironing. She is very patient in dealing with Little Edison’s tantrums as well as feeding him. I keep telling her that she must build up the rapport with Little Edison so that he will co-operate with her. Otherwise, her work will be very difficult. I can see that she is trying her best to improve in this area.
On the flip side, Little Edison doesn’t like her. He often bullies her – beats her, pushes her away and pulls her hair. He even attempts to bite her. It was really bad, I know. I warned him about his bad behaviors and I even spanked him. It was quite a surprise to me because he has never treated Niti (our ex-helper) in this manner. Daddy V pointed out that there may be something that we are not aware of, and our son is still unable to express his thoughts to us verbally. We need to monitor the helper closely now.
Pin is a Muslim. She can handle pork, but she can’t eat them. She asked our permission to allow her to do prayers in her room at night. We respect her religion and therefore, we allow her to do her prayers. However, we told her that we do not allow fasting as it will affect her work. She understands it, as this is clearly stated in her work contract.
I encourage her to write letters to her parents in Indonesia. I know nothing about her family background, but I have a feeling that she is not close to her family. She doesn’t want to write letters to them despite constant encouragement from me. She rarely talks about her family members. Our ex-helper, Niti, used to write letters to her mother every month. She would share with me updates about her family every time she received letters from them.
All in all, managing a helper is not easy at all. It’s not only about managing her work, but managing the relationships, welfare, safety and discipline of the helper. Every family member has different expectation towards her. When she is faced with conflicting instructions, how should she react? When she is unhappy with her work, who should she confront? And the list goes on.
The entry of a foreign helper into the family may complicate the family dynamics. It is, therefore, important to have a set of house rules for the helper. Conversation with the helper has to be done tactfully in order not to hurt each other’s feelings. We all learnt our lessons when we hired our first helper two years ago. With some experiences now, we hope that we can handle our second helper more effectively.
Will blog about my house rules next week. Hopefully, it can provide some guidance to new parents who have just employed foreign helpers.
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It has been a month since our new helper, Pin, came on-board. She has been a great help for the past one month, despite constant rejection from our little master Edison.
She does the general house chores fairly well. She has a lot of patience dealing with Little Edison’s tantrums, which is obviously one of her strengths. She is willing to work hard and I can see the amount of efforts she put in her works. Cooking is a whole lot easier too, as she can help out in the food preparation and cleaning-up after the process. Overall, her work performance is still satisfactory.
One of her weakness is her poor command of English. She has difficulties understanding our instructions at times. Thus, we have to talk to her slowly to make sure she understands. In terms of speed and alertness, she is not as good as our ex-helper, Niti. Nonetheless, given time and more training, we believe she will gradually improve in these areas.
I really appreciate having a helper at home to ease my burden. I simply cannot imagine my life without them – I may have to scrub the toilet, mop the floor, do the laundries, wash the dishes and take care of Little Edison all by myself. That is why I’m always concerned about the well-being of my helper.
I’m careful to make sure that she feels alright at home and she has sufficient food to eat. I talk to her occasionally and try to understand if there are any difficulties that she is facing at work. Most importantly, I always make sure that she has enough rest and in good health.
Everything has been manageable so far. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that things will continue to work well and that we don’t suffer from any of the domestic helper dramas.
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