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Marriage & Relationship

The Day I Realized I’m a Changed Person

I’ve been wanting to blog about this incident that happened last month, but the words just came and fade away. So when mommy blogger Klessis started her new linky on “My Valentine’s Day Special”, I thought it was time for me to sit down, think about it and start churning out this post.

Last month, V and I had a quarrel. Quite a bad one, I would say, and it ended up with me dashing out of the house and slamming the door. I drove our boy to his English class, and I went to a restaurant to relish in some silence and good food. Then, I realized it’s been so long since I last dine out on my own.

During that one hour, I stared at this photo. The first thing that came into my mind was – How long have we been married? Almost eight years. That’s a very long time.

V1

And I still remember how he sheepishly slipped his passport photo (taken more than ten years ago!) into my wallet. He made me laugh for days, but that photo remains intact in my wallet for years, until today.

I chuckled again at the sight of it, and suddenly, the memories of us rewind, play and fast forward all at once. It’s amazing to discover how a photo can bring a flood of memories to me! Maybe that’s the reason why he put this photo into my wallet.

V and I may look like a calm, happy and normal couple. But recently, we quarrelled a lot over trivial issues, and it really drives me crazy. Nope, we don’t have serious issues like gambling addiction, extra-marital affairs, debts, lies or anything of sorts.

Sometimes, we quarrelled just because he was late for a mere five minutes. In the midst of a quarrel, unkind words are spoken (unintentionally) and the other party is hurt. He blamed me for my mood swing as a side effect from the medication that I’m taking. And I feel hurt with his insensitivity towards my plight.

We’re not as dramatic as my parents-in-law though. I heard that my mom-in-law used to ran out with a chopper or hot water when she quarrelled with my dad-in-law (of course just to scare him and no one gets hurt). LOL.

Nonetheless, V and I can be very loud too, and if we don’t close the door, our neighbours might threaten to call the police.

When the frequency of our quarrels increases, I was stung by the realization that I’m indeed a changed person now. Why can’t I be more considerate, thoughtful and patient like I used to be? Sometimes, I really want to send myself for marriage counselling. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Before marriage, it was easy to be considerate and thoughtful when he was all that I could ever think about. But when the honeymoon was over, both of us eased into marriage life and not long after that, Little Edison entered the picture. And we struggled with parenthood for a while.

Now, there are lots of works to be done, a house to keep, bills to pay, anxiety from raising a family, and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted – both physically and mentally. As years went by, my mind loses space for this person – who used to occupy almost every brain cell in me.

I think less about him, and sometimes I even forget.

Today, I take a step back to re-evaluate my role as his wife. I pray for passion now. And I pray for thoughtfulness to return again.

I thought of all the wonderful things that he did to me. Two years ago when I had to undergo two sinus operations, I remember how he has provided me with endless support and care. When my nose bled heavily after the operation, he immediately left his workplace and rushed me to the hospital.

In addition, he’s always very attentive with his little act of services like helping to pump petrol for my car, top-up my cash-card without being told, buy groceries (he knows that I don’t like to go to supermarket), and he can even cook.

And then, I realize just how lucky I am to find someone like him. Someone who makes a wonderful father, someone who loves me despite my many faults, someone who shares my adventures and misadventures, and above all, someone who will always be there for me unconditionally.

I want to walk the road of life with him.

V2

“I love you, dear! I’m lucky to have you as my husband, through the good and bad times, I will always be there for you, just like you’ve always been there for me.”

Flower