Recently, I came across a few articles about spoiled children. I was brought up to believe that spoiled children will grow up to be self-centered adults. When I was young, my parents often dismissed some of my requests for things on the basis that they didn’t want to spoil me. I felt sad when I couldn’t have the things that my friends had. It may be a trivial matter now, but it was a big deal to me at that time.
Now that I’m a mother, I want the best for my son. I don’t want to deny his requests on the basis of the same parenting theory. Childhood is the most unforgettable years in our life. That is why I feel that all children deserve a happy childhood – a childhood that is filled with love, encouragement and happy memories.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that we should let our children have whatever they want. It’s just that I don’t want to deny him things for no real reason.
Do you think that by indulging our children, we will end up spoiling them? Many parents in Singapore pile up toys, clothes, activities and enrichment classes for their children. Is this considered as over-indulgence?
I begin to wonder what the true definition of a spoiled child is. In my opinion, I think that a spoiled child does NOT mean a child who is given too much but a child who does not accept not getting their way. We won’t spoil them with love and material things but children needs appropriate limits and we have to enforce them.
Mommies, do you think that over-indulgence will leads to spoiled children? I love to hear your thoughts.
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I was reading the Sept issue of Mother & Baby magazine last night, and I came across an article about families who embraced five or more children. Quoted by a mother of five in the article, she said “You’ll not regret having a big brood, but you’ll regret having only one child.”
I wasn’t pleased with her statement. First of all, regret is a strong word. Secondly, I can’t fully comprehend why she has to impose what she thinks onto others, just because we don’t fit into her mould.
Having children is a personal option. I can never understand why some people feel the need to comment on couples who stop at one or choose not to have kids. Having a child is not a necessity. Although the purpose of life is to raise offspring to adulthood, it does not mean that everyone has to do so.
Frankly, having children is no fun at all. They are expensive, tend to break things and always around to dominate our lives. Giving birth is also very painful, not to mention the nine months of pregnancy and the whole host of discomforts – morning sickness, abdominal pain and breast engorgement.
During the first year, we have to wake periodically throughout the night to feed, burp and change the diaper. We’re forced to learn how to function with minimal sleep. Temper and tantrums coming up next in the second year. Going out with kids in tow is just as difficult too. Even when we want to steal a few hours for ourselves, we have to ensure that our kids are well taken care of by their babysitters.
Being a parent is as close to a 24/7 job. Life will revolve around the child. It’s a lot of hard works, only punctuated by occasional happy and proud moments. It’s the LOVE for the child that makes all these efforts well worth.
For the mother of five I mentioned above, she is also a working mom. She is fortunate to have her mother, mother-in-law and two foreign maids to take care of her five children. Not every one is as fortunate as her to have so many extra pairs of hands.
Take me for example; my mother is not staying in Singapore. My mother-in-law is not in her pinkest of health, I can’t possibly burden her with another baby. She is currently taking care of Little Edison, with the help of my maid. At this point of my life, I’m still not ready to give up my career. As a matter of fact, baby #2 is still not in my plan yet – although I do crave for a baby girl occasionally.
I’m happy to have Little Edison in my life. When I close my eyes, I can imagine how perfect this family size is. I want to enjoy everything about him, have the time and ability to be the best mother for him, have my own career and financially secured.
I just hope I won’t hear comments like “you’ll regret having only one child” anymore.
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Dining out with a toddler in tow can be a real challenge. No matter how delicious the food is and how lovely the ambience is, he just couldn’t sit still to enjoy his meal. The most frustrating part is when he starts to have a public meltdown halfway through the meal.
Well, it happens to us almost every weekend. On good days, he will finish his meal before climbing down the high chair. On bad days, however, he refuses to eat and he only wants to run around the restaurant. I’m at my wits end now; I really do not know how to make him sit on his high chair and stay at the table until we have finished our meals.
To make the most of dining out with Little Edison, here are some of my tricks – although they may not work all the time.
1. Always choose a family-friendly restaurant
I always make sure that the restaurant has high chairs and kid’s menu before we step in. Kid’s meals are usually delicious and appetizing enough to tempt the pickiest eater.
2. Pack some toys or snacks to satisfy his busy hands
A toy car, a small puzzle or even a lollipop can do the trick sometimes and keep him occupied through the meal.
3. Order an ice-cream for him when #1 and #2 don’t work
This will definitely keep him at the table, although it’s not a very good choice.
4. Lastly, ask for boxes to pack-up the food and skip the dessert – if none of the above works.
Gone are the days of late, lingering dinners at our favorite hawker centers, we have given up on hawker food with Little Edison in tow. Our choice of food and location have changed drastically now. Well, that’s the least that we can do in order to indulge in good food while keeping our sanity.
What about you? Do you have any survival tips to share? I love to hear them.
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It’s 11:30pm now as I write this post. I’m so heartbroken, and thus I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been struggling with Little Edison’s bad behaviours for the past two nights.
I’m exhausted, rundown and I’m lost.
When bedtime came, he refused to go to sleep. He wanted to play with the helper. So, I gave him another ten minutes allowance to play. After that, he wanted to read story books with me. I took a deep breath and I tried to be patient with him. So, we spent another 15 minutes reading story books.
The clock struck ten, I asked him to go to sleep (again). Now, he wanted to read flash cards. He took out the flash cards from the cabinet. I was so mad when he ignored my request for the third time. I put the flash cards on his bed, asked him to read on his own and I walked out of the room. He started crying when I ignored him.
Five minutes later, he cried even louder and screamed. I pulled him out of the room and asked him to stand at the main door. I opened the door and asked him to continue to cry and scream as loud as he can. And I threaten to call the security guards if the neighbors complain about his noise.
With a harsh voice full of anger, I scolded him. I tried to refrain myself from spanking him. My patience level reached its maximum, and I felt that things are getting out of control. I don’t know how to discipline my own son. For a moment, I felt so sad and useless.
When his crying episode finally ended, he was so tired and sleepy. I carried him and pat him on his back. He leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep. I put him on his bed, and I looked at him. His face was red and his eyes were teary. I was so heartbroken.
What is wrong with him? Why doesn’t he listen to me? I love him so dearly, but he pushed me over the edge and made me feel completely out of resources to deal with his misbehavior.
Sigh.
Deep in my heart, I know that he isn’t bad. He is just playful. At this age, he is at a developmental stage of experimenting with ideas about rules and boundaries. I tried to console myself.
I need a good parenting book on how to deal with discipline and kids. I desperately need a new perspective before I turn my house into a crazy circus show!
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Continued from Real Mom’s Secret (Part 2). Today, I’m going to share with you another three secrets of real mothering.
Secret # 4
We need to be a good role model and give our children an example that is worth copying.
In fact, the most important secret of real mothering is to recognize that our children learn by watching and listening. Our children witness how we react to stress and they mimic our actions. They hear how we speak, and they talk the same way to their peers. It is quite scary to realize how influential we can be in our children’s lives.
Having said that, our everyday life is like a text book to our children. What we model to our children everyday is far more important than all the enrichment classes, tutoring and flash cards. We need to recognize this important teaching tool of modeling and be aware of the tremendous influence they have on our children’s lives.
Secret # 5
We teach values and inspire characters.
Firstly, we must understand our family’s values as they are the foundation for how our children grow, learn and function in this world. It boils down to the philosophy of how we want to live our family life. From there, we develop moral codes for our children and we are always mindful of these codes and practice them ourselves.
By doing this, the real benefits to our children will be strong characters and a moral compass. These values will give our family a vision and a purpose.
Secret # 6
We support our children’s strengths and build their confidence.
Doscovering our children’s unique qualities and strengths is the most crucial parenting task. We need to learn to tailor our mothering to fit our children’s individual needs. We should be mindful that each child is different, and thus, we cannot assume that the same discipline approach to work on each child.
We must recognize our children’s strengths, natural talents and personality. The more we understand our children, the more effective we will be in our mothering.
It may be difficult to fully understand the concept of each secret by just reading the short description that I’ve written. In the book, Dr. Borba includes real stories from mothers that she interviewed during her research. After reading the stories, I can deeply understand the meaning and consequences of each secret.
If you’re interested, you can pick up this book from the public library and have a good read! I would highly recommend it.
Read all the posts on Real Mom’s Secret HERE.
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