Dining out with a toddler in tow can be a real challenge. No matter how delicious the food is and how lovely the ambience is, he just couldn’t sit still to enjoy his meal. The most frustrating part is when he starts to have a public meltdown halfway through the meal.

Well, it happens to us almost every weekend. On good days, he will finish his meal before climbing down the high chair. On bad days, however, he refuses to eat and he only wants to run around the restaurant. I’m at my wits end now; I really do not know how to make him sit on his high chair and stay at the table until we have finished our meals.

To make the most of dining out with Little Edison, here are some of my tricks – although they may not work all the time.

1. Always choose a family-friendly restaurant

I always make sure that the restaurant has high chairs and kid’s menu before we step in. Kid’s meals are usually delicious and appetizing enough to tempt the pickiest eater.

2. Pack some toys or snacks to satisfy his busy hands

A toy car, a small puzzle or even a lollipop can do the trick sometimes and keep him occupied through the meal.

3. Order an ice-cream for him when #1 and #2 don’t work

This will definitely keep him at the table, although it’s not a very good choice.

4. Lastly, ask for boxes to pack-up the food and skip the dessert – if none of the above works.

Gone are the days of late, lingering dinners at our favorite hawker centers, we have given up on hawker food with Little Edison in tow. Our choice of food and location have changed drastically now. Well, that’s the least that we can do in order to indulge in good food while keeping our sanity.

What about you? Do you have any survival tips to share? I love to hear them.

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It’s 11:30pm now as I write this post. I’m so heartbroken, and thus I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been struggling with Little Edison’s bad behaviours for the past two nights.

I’m exhausted, rundown and I’m lost.

When bedtime came, he refused to go to sleep. He wanted to play with the helper. So, I gave him another ten minutes allowance to play. After that, he wanted to read story books with me. I took a deep breath and I tried to be patient with him. So, we spent another 15 minutes reading story books.

The clock struck ten, I asked him to go to sleep (again). Now, he wanted to read flash cards. He took out the flash cards from the cabinet. I was so mad when he ignored my request for the third time. I put the flash cards on his bed, asked him to read on his own and I walked out of the room. He started crying when I ignored him.

Five minutes later, he cried even louder and screamed. I pulled him out of the room and asked him to stand at the main door. I opened the door and asked him to continue to cry and scream as loud as he can. And I threaten to call the security guards if the neighbors complain about his noise.

With a harsh voice full of anger, I scolded him. I tried to refrain myself from spanking him. My patience level reached its maximum, and I felt that things are getting out of control. I don’t know how to discipline my own son. For a moment, I felt so sad and useless.

When his crying episode finally ended, he was so tired and sleepy. I carried him and pat him on his back. He leaned on my shoulder and fell asleep. I put him on his bed, and I looked at him. His face was red and his eyes were teary. I was so heartbroken.

What is wrong with him? Why doesn’t he listen to me? I love him so dearly, but he pushed me over the edge and made me feel completely out of resources to deal with his misbehavior.

Sigh.

Deep in my heart, I know that he isn’t bad. He is just playful. At this age, he is at a developmental stage of experimenting with ideas about rules and boundaries. I tried to console myself.

I need a good parenting book on how to deal with discipline and kids. I desperately need a new perspective before I turn my house into a crazy circus show!

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Continued from Real Mom’s Secret (Part 2). Today, I’m going to share with you another three secrets of real mothering.

Secret # 4

We need to be a good role model and give our children an example that is worth copying.

In fact, the most important secret of real mothering is to recognize that our children learn by watching and listening. Our children witness how we react to stress and they mimic our actions. They hear how we speak, and they talk the same way to their peers. It is quite scary to realize how influential we can be in our children’s lives.

Having said that, our everyday life is like a text book to our children. What we model to our children everyday is far more important than all the enrichment classes, tutoring and flash cards. We need to recognize this important teaching tool of modeling and be aware of the tremendous influence they have on our children’s lives.

Secret # 5

We teach values and inspire characters.

Firstly, we must understand our family’s values as they are the foundation for how our children grow, learn and function in this world. It boils down to the philosophy of how we want to live our family life. From there, we develop moral codes for our children and we are always mindful of these codes and practice them ourselves.

By doing this, the real benefits to our children will be strong characters and a moral compass. These values will give our family a vision and a purpose.

Secret # 6

We support our children’s strengths and build their confidence.

Doscovering our children’s unique qualities and strengths is the most crucial parenting task. We need to learn to tailor our mothering to fit our children’s individual needs. We should be mindful that each child is different, and thus, we cannot assume that the same discipline approach to work on each child.

We must recognize our children’s strengths, natural talents and personality. The more we understand our children, the more effective we will be in our mothering.

It may be difficult to fully understand the concept of each secret by just reading the short description that I’ve written. In the book, Dr. Borba includes real stories from mothers that she interviewed during her research. After reading the stories, I can deeply understand the meaning and consequences of each secret.

If you’re interested, you can pick up this book from the public library and have a good read! I would highly recommend it.

Read all the posts on Real Mom’s Secret HERE.

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I didn’t plan to write about Real Mom’s Secret today because it is Friday. I should write about something more interesting rather than a book. However, I really run out of idea of what to write today.

So, please excuse my boring post today.

I’ve read about one-third of the book now. Today, I would like to share with you the first three secrets of real mothering from the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Secret # 1

If our children have unconditional love, they will be more likely to thrive.

Of course, all mothers love their children but unconditional love goes deeper and it’s about our complete acceptance of our children’s true selves. And that includes all their weaknesses and flaws. Happy kids are being loved with no strings attached.

Secret # 2

We must set consistent limits and standards of behavior so that our children will learn to act right even without our presence.

No mother wants to reprimand their children. Our goal is to raise happy kids who are well-behaved. When they are getting on the wrong track, it’s time for us to apply some limits. By being consistent and using the right discipline, our relationship with our children will improve and our children will behave the way we hope them to be.

Secret # 3

We must give our children complete attention.

Listening with full presence is one of the most precious gifts we can give to our children. When we stop what we are doing to focus totally on our children, we are conveying our love and acceptance. It’s a total willingness to let our children know that we’re there for them.

This may sound easy, but it is not. For busy mothers like us, most of the time we’re multi-tasking when we are talking to our children. We are listening, and at the same time, our eyes and hands are also busy with something else.

Switch off the mobile phone, shut down the computer and stop the work. Sit close to our children, look at them and listen to them completely. It feels very different, really. I’ve tried it and I felt the effects instantly.

Part 3 of Real Mom’s Secret is coming up next week. Please stay tuned.

Read all the posts on Real Mom’s Secret HERE.

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I made an introduction of the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D. two weeks ago. Do you still remember? If not, you can read the post here.

Today, I’m going to share with you the first part of the book. It talks about real mothering and how a real mom can give her children love that lasts forever. That’s exactly our wish, am I right?

Many mothers today are suffering from what can only be described as a kind of frenzy – an abnormally high level of busyness, tension, stress, anxiety and even panic. They’re overwhelmed trying to be a supermom, to fulfill the expectations placed on them.

Have they ever wonder if it’s worth all their time, energy and money that they’ve spent? Do their kids really benefit from all the splendid extracurricular activities, tutorials and enrichment classes that they are attending? Obsessive mothering is not helping the children to become happy and mature young adults, and may in fact be doing them more harm than good.

Dr. Borba talks about how our children’s and family’s lives have changed over the past two decades. We accelerated our parenting and hurried the pace even more. Growing number of kids are suffering from burn-out due to more activities and school works.

I stop and ponder for a while. Our children may have better quality of life, but their future is much more stressful than us. I couldn’t stop thinking of how much mothering has changed since our mom raised us. In my opinion, mothering doesn’t have to be this hard and stressful. It should be fun, rewarding and joyous.

How can we slow down? You may ask.

Part one of this book shows us how to make easy adjustments that can give a dramatic impact on the family. The true essence of real mother lies in who we are and how we connect with our children. Make a change if we are overwhelmed trying to become a supermom.

We can certainly raise happy and confident kids with good characters. And without the stress factor.

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