Maid Issues Parenting

Mother, Maid and Child Relationship

Domestic HelperIn a shopping mall, a glamorous mother walks around, impeccably dressed, every strand of her hair is in place, every crease in her dress is perfectly aligned, with full make-up, lipstick, high heels, branded bag and so on. Walking behind her is a huffing and puffing maid struggling to push the stroller while carrying a diaper bag as well as shopping bags.

Oh well, this is a common sight in Singapore. There is no right or wrong with that.

Working mothers nowadays are so lucky to have a live-in maid who does all the daily chores including general housekeeping, cooking and taking care of children for them. Meanwhile, they only focus on important tasks such as character shaping, manners, education, enrichment etc. Even a stay-at-home mother would employ a maid to help her out and lessen her burden.

Without knowing it, we may become reliant on them. Our child may even develop a special bonding with our maid. Most of the maids that I see nowadays are more experienced, smarter and neater. In some of the extreme cases, they can even fit into a mother’s shoes. This situation really troubles me, and I’m doing my best to avoid it.

On the weekdays, I’ll wake up half an hour earlier so that I have time to feed Edison before I set off to work. Dinner time is when I enjoy my meal with my husband and parents-in-law. My maid will feed Edison in the garden while we dine in the dining area. At night, I’ll play with him for a while, and then we proceed with our reading and flashcards practice before we crash into bed (together).

During the weekends, I’ll do all the motherhood tasks by myself – including bathing, feeding, cooking a meal for Edison, cleaning his poo, keeping his toys etc. My maid can concentrate in doing housekeeping and laundries. My reason is simple – I don’t want to slip into laziness and overly dependant on my maid to take care of Edison.

When we go out, 80% of the time, we will bring our maid along. Of course, it’s easier to have an extra pair of hands to carry the diaper bag or pushing the stroller. Sometimes, we prefer to leave her at home so that we can have some private family times together. It maybe tiring and frustrating at times (without a maid), but we are willing to experience the joys and pains of parenting.

Mother-maid-child is a very unique relationship that we must always handle with great care.

Mommies, what are your thoughts on this mother-maid-child relationship? Do you have any experience that you want to share?


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for me, maid is to assist in housework, childcare still belongs to the mother. Im proud to say, im a very hands-on mother even with maid around. cos i dun feel right if my child cling to my maid instead of to me. but sometimes when im angry bcos of my little missy’s mischevious.. she will go to maid for console. so we sometimes act bad/good guy at home while hubby not around. else hubby will be the person she go to for some comfort. I dun even bring my maid out during our outing. heee. cos we dun like… Read more »


Hi Emily, Mum will always be Mum. They will be clingy to their caretaker at times, that’s perfectly normal for a human to develop some kind of feelings towards someone they are with often. Of course, at that point of time u won’t feel good (same for myself) when u see your child seem more attached to someone else except yourself. But I believe ultimately they still love their Mummy, no matter what. We spent the most crucial initial 10mths with them, body to body, heart to heart. Remember? 🙂 I don’t think there’s any wrong in getting an extra… Read more »

Jessica Liew

Actually I may not agree with that statement. I grew up with my maid ever since I could remember since I am from a dual-income family where both parents work long hours. My maid was the one who fed me, bathed me, calmed me down after being caned (and even now I adopt her method to soothe myself when I’ve got uncontrollable anger / sadness issues) and I really did love her more than my mom. Can I just make a contrast? My maid wouldn’t mind at all plaiting my long hair when I went to Kindergarten but my mother… Read more »


Hi Emily, Just to share my experience. I was looked after by a Philippine helper since I was born as my parents were always very busy at work. There were times when I didn’t even get to talk to them during the weekdays. Thus, I was very close to the helper & I have to admit that 16 years since we parted, I still miss her. Of course I love my parents, however, a part of me felt sad as I didn’t have much bonding time with them during my childhood years. Now that I’m a working mother with a… Read more »


When my #1 was born, I was not hands-on at all. I have a bad back, plus, I’m just not maternal. The maternal instincts in me just never oozed out like alot of the mothers that I know. We bring our maid out with us all the time, and treat her as part of the family. As such, we also have a very good relationship with our live-in maid. My daughter really likes her too, so when my husband and I have to go out, we feel rest assured with leaving our daughter with our maid. At times, I would… Read more »


Hi just feel as mothers you should do the motherly chores such as showering the child, feed and spend time with your child. My niece cling so much to the helper that when the helper left, she was distraught. She cried. This happened because she spent most of the time with helper. She even slept in the same room with her. Sad to say,as mothers plead understand ur role here and your felper’s role.