Heartbroken is the best word to describe how I felt this morning when I send Little Edison to school. I’ve expected that he will cry the moment he stepped into his classroom after the long weekend.
Last night, I asked him if he wants to go to school on Monday morning. Instead of “don’t want”, he replied me with a “no need”. I was surprised. I think he wants to tell me that he can stay at home, rather than going to school.
As I woke him up this morning, I didn’t mention the word “school” or “cry”. My helper fed him and cleaned him. The moment he saw my helper taking his uniform from the wardrobe, he started to wail and said “Mummy, don’t want!” My poor boy, being away from home must have been a terrifying experience for him.
I assured him that he will be alright at school. I carried him to my car and I drove off to school.
When we reached his classroom, he clung onto my body tightly, refused to let go and cried desperately. His teacher, Ms Wong, quickly carried him away from me. I had to leave the classroom immediately. It was a terrible heartbreaking moment for both of us, but I knew I had to leave; otherwise it will be even worst for him.
I took a peek at the corner of the window. Ms Wong was pacifying him and he stopped crying after 3 minutes or so. Then, he walked around the classroom, carrying his water bottle, looking sad and lost. I nearly burst out in tears when I saw it. When all the students are settled down, the teacher will start the activities and he will be fine, I consoled myself.
I drove to my office with my mind full of uncertainties. I wasn’t sure if I’ve made the right decision to send him to school at this age. I wasn’t sure if he can take care of himself at school. I totally forgot about the Bartley-Tampines viaduct that was opened yesterday. I drove into the wrong lane and I nearly went up the viaduct all the way to Tampines! Luckily, I managed to change lane at the last minute. Gosh, it’s very bad to drive with poor concentration.
Argh, anyway. I’m waiting patiently for the day when he tells me that he enjoys going to school. This day will definitely come soon.
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