Recently, I came across a few articles about spoiled children. I was brought up to believe that spoiled children will grow up to be self-centered adults. When I was young, my parents often dismissed some of my requests for things on the basis that they didn’t want to spoil me. I felt sad when I couldn’t have the things that my friends had. It may be a trivial matter now, but it was a big deal to me at that time.
Now that I’m a mother, I want the best for my son. I don’t want to deny his requests on the basis of the same parenting theory. Childhood is the most unforgettable years in our life. That is why I feel that all children deserve a happy childhood – a childhood that is filled with love, encouragement and happy memories.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that we should let our children have whatever they want. It’s just that I don’t want to deny him things for no real reason.
Do you think that by indulging our children, we will end up spoiling them? Many parents in Singapore pile up toys, clothes, activities and enrichment classes for their children. Is this considered as over-indulgence?
I begin to wonder what the true definition of a spoiled child is. In my opinion, I think that a spoiled child does NOT mean a child who is given too much but a child who does not accept not getting their way. We won’t spoil them with love and material things but children needs appropriate limits and we have to enforce them.
Mommies, do you think that over-indulgence will leads to spoiled children? I love to hear your thoughts.
4 comments
Instead of “I don’t want to deny him things for no real reason”, my view is “he needs to justify why he needs that thing”.
I grew up in a very humble family and believe that money should be spent prudently.
Though we have only 1 child now and still financially ok, we are very prudent spenders. I want my child to understand we need to save, and when we spend less on indulgence, we can give more to the less fortunate.
I buy only toys with educational value and with lasting play-time. We’re happy to get hand-me-downs toys and clothes (junk reduction), and recycle household items as toys (green living).
We are willing to spend on education, books and healthy food, after careful shopping around.
I’d like to educate my child to think before spending, and get what is necessary. The “happiness” thar we get from material items do not last. Instead of pure happiness, I hope he’d also learn contentment and compassion.
Abundant love: yes
Abundant material items: no
I do think an over-indulging parenting style could be linked to spoiling the child. Or making him expect more from life, and unable to accept when things don’t go his way.
Hi MieVee,
You have a good point here. Being prudent spenders ourselves, we are also showing a good example to our children. Thanks for pointing it out.
Hi Mico,
Thanks for your comment. I do think that over-indulgence may not directly linked to spoiled children but we must always teach them to appreciate what they have. There are times when Little Edison throws his toys on the floor. I keep reminding him to appreciate all the things that we bought for him. We love him dearly, that’s why we bought him his favorite toys. He may or may not understand it now, but I’m sure he will understand it in future.
i did not grow up having everything i want..but i get all my necessity without fail. so i always think i have a happy childhood, maybe bcos my parents set my expectation on things i can have and not have.
but, when i have my own children, i tend to pamper them more than my parents to me. that is how i feel. i will go and shop for clothes/toys/healthy food/classes for them, and wont feel bad about splurging on them for their birthdays and travelling..maybe partly cos now we are more finacially sound compare to my parents time.
i agree that children that have most things may not necessarily be spoilt child but if we do not teach them to apreciate and share and instill positive value to them, they will become spoil child
ohh.. i cant be sure anyway.. cos i learnt together with my children.. now my girl only coming to 3.. so i have lots more to learn to be a better parent and to nurture a good person out of my children.
There is nothing wrong with overindulging a child if you have the money to do so. That is not spoiling the child but loving and giving the child the better things of life. It is better to overindulge than to underindulge a child. Children who grow up in deprived economic circumstances are the ones who steal, are jealous of other more affluent children, and shake down children for material things. Deprived children learn to settle in life and not to expect much.
On the other hand, children who are spoiled, appreciate the finer things of life and will work and study hard for what they obtain in adulthood. Children who are given things tend to be accustomed to the finer things of life and do not have a poverty consciousness which deprived children have. Children who are spoiled end up to be more affluent in adulthood because they saw their surroundings and learn that things do not come cheap and one must work smart and diligently to obtain these things. I rather be a spoiled child than a deprived child. Deprived children never become rich but always remain impoverished.