Few days ago, my friend posted this on her Facebook wall. I couldn’t agree more with her statement. Do you still remember those times when your mom yelled at you? How was your response?
I grew up with a mom who yelled a lot. When I was a kid, sometimes I didn’t even know why she yelled at me and my siblings. We didn’t misbehave; maybe we were just slow or didn’t live up to her expectations. Maybe she was under a lot of stress. Or maybe we didn’t listen to her.
I agreed with my friend’s statement – I didn’t dare to ask her why. For sure, if I ask that question, I will get more yelling or even caning. So, I better keep my mouth shut and endure until the yelling is over.
While I knew that she loved us a lot, I felt insecure growing up with her yelling. Yelling can win immediate attention, but it does not encourage open communication between parents and their children.
A child who is yelled at once in a blue moon will stop immediately when yelled at. A child who is yelled at on a daily basis will learn to ignore their parents yelling. Therefore, yelling is not an acceptable form of discipline at all.
So, I grew up telling myself that in future, I will not yell at my kids for no apparent reason.
Now that I’m a mother, I must admit that one of the hardest things to learn is disciplining kids without yelling. Many people think that this is very simple, but when your kid is acting out and wearing on your nerves repeatedly, yelling naturally comes easier than you think.
We’ve all had our moments when the irritability button was pressed too many times. We lose our control and start to yell, whether they deserve it or not. How do you stop yourself from yelling?
I’ve vowed not to yell like my mom did. I do fairly well most of the times, but once in a blue moon, I slipped up too. When I’m about to lose my cool, I take a deep breath and think of those times when my mom yelled at me, and how I hated it. That instantly stops me from yelling. Yes, it’s true.
Talking about disciplining without yelling, most parenting books will tell us to send the child for time-out. Give them three warnings before sending them for time-out, either in their own room, a naughty corner or whatever you call it, so that they know that they have been misbehaving.
Personally, I prefer to use the “reasoning” method. Now that Edison is six, reasoning is easier than punishment, time-out, caning or even yelling. When I reason with him, he understands why he’s wrong and he will apologize to me.
Every day is an attempt at a better way of parenting. Calmness certainly works better than yelling in our family. The less yelling I do, the more my heart transforms, and I’m gradually becoming more loving and less angry.