Personal Struggles

One and Only One

It’s 10pm now as I’m writing this post. I don’t know why I think about this topic again. It could be because someone told me straight to my face that I’m a selfish mother because I stopped at one. He further commented that if the Hubby and I leave this world one day, Edison will be all alone.

That’s why I’m always hoping that Edison will find a good wife and get married early. And have his own children, hopefully more than one.

Every time someone brought this issue up, I feel so sad. But I didn’t tell anyone, not even the Hubby. That person didn’t know about my medical condition, so I didn’t blame him for passing such an unkind comment. And I also didn’t bother to explain to him. We’re not that close anyway.

That moment (two years ago) when my rheumatologist told me that my immunosuppressant medication can potentially cause birth abnormalities to foetus, it saddened me to no end. I have to take this medication in long term; otherwise I will risk kidney failure and death within two years.

Sounds depressing, I know. And this is the major factor in our decision to not to have another child. Even though at times, we thought of adopting a foster child, but at the end we didn’t. It’s because I don’t have the confidence in taking care of a foster child.


Ever since I was diagnosed with this medical condition, I see my life differently. I have seen people who are suffering from cancer and terminal disease, and they are going through a very difficult time in their life. While most of the people in this world are living happily in good health, they are silently mourning at their sufferings.

For my case, my condition can still be controlled with medication and routine blood test. There is no pain, so I can live my life like any other healthy person. I can work, I can eat, I can exercise, and I can travel to anywhere I want.

Most importantly, I realized that the simple joy of being alive, being able to move freely, and being able to live with my loved ones are daily blessings that I should never take for granted.

Still, the only discomfort that I’m experiencing now is nasal crusting. I need to clean my nose regularly with nasal rinse to remove the crusts. If I don’t, the crusts will accumulate and cause nasal congestion, and eventually a massive nose bleed. It really frustrates me to no end sometimes.

Since Edison is 7 now, we’re well out of diapers, potty training and terrible two or terrible three phase. I’m perfectly happy being a mom to a schooling boy.

We enjoy each other’s company. What I want to do now, in my ability and time, is to continue loving him as much as I can, protect him as fiercely as I can, and take care of him as best as I can.

And lastly, I’ve learnt not to be affected by people’s unkind comments anymore.


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derene May 13, 2014 at 11:19 PM

Hi Emily, you are not alone in your thoughts becoz I’ve also thought about this same topic every now and then, more often now as my son gets older (he is 6). Selfish is the most common comment… we’ve also stopped at one due to personal reasons which I did not bother to explain to others becoz whatever I say, it will be followed by further comments. Just to let you know that don’t let this affect your mood… jia you!

Emily May 14, 2014 at 7:53 AM

Hi Derene,
Thanks for your comment & encouragement! I guess most mom-of-one can relate to this post and whatever remarks besides being selfish that people said about us.

I’ve tried so much not to be affected by other people’s comment and stick to my own belief that at this point of time, the most important thing to me is to take care of my health.

When I’m healthy, I can take good care of my family. If I’m not, I will become a burden to everyone. There is no point having another child if I don’t have the capability of taking good care of them.

Shirley May 14, 2014 at 10:02 PM

Jia you! i am also a mother of one due to some reasons too.

I find that i can focus more on just one kid.

Don’t have to bother with what others say. 🙂

Emily May 20, 2014 at 11:59 AM

Hi Shirley,
Thanks for your encouragement. I’ve learnt not to be affected by other people’s comments.

Vivienne May 15, 2014 at 5:24 PM

Jiayou, Emily! Sometimes, certain things are just beyond our control! Continue to count your blessings that you have Edison and a good hubby!

Emily May 20, 2014 at 12:00 PM

Dear Vivienne,
Thanks for your kind message & encouragement!

MieVee @ May 19, 2014 at 12:32 AM

Indeed, some ppl throw unkind remarks without knowing the full story. Please ignore them and hope you’d cheer up again and be blessed with good health! 🙂

Emily May 20, 2014 at 12:01 PM

Dear MieVee,
Thanks. Yes, I’ve learnt how to filter out those unkind comments and not to feel unhappy about them. 🙂

Adora May 21, 2014 at 12:02 AM

Hugs, Em. You’re right to not bother about unkind comments – they don’t know your reasons and have absolutely no right to judge you. You’re the best mother Edison can ever have. Don’t need to think about anything else!!

Emily May 21, 2014 at 6:52 PM

Dear Adora,
Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate your note.

Susan June 28, 2014 at 1:52 PM

Thanks for such honest sharing Emily. It must be tough to keep it from people who don’t know and make you sound selfish when you choose to have one. For me, Sophie may be our only child too though I very much desire to have another. But leaving it too to God’s hands and I know we are already greatly blessed. Praying for you dear and no matter what others say, you are a good mum to Edison. *big hugs*

Emily July 5, 2014 at 11:09 PM

Dear Susan,
Thank you for your kind message. It still hurts when I heard of such comments but I try very best not to be affected by them.

Congratulations for being shortlisted as Best Family Blog in SBA2014.

Joanne Ho July 6, 2014 at 12:11 PM

Hi Emily,
don’t be upset by those unkind words so long you know you have done your best and what’s more important is that you know you are at your best. Don’t bother about what others’ expectation! They won’t fit in a better position than you, yourself.
Secondly, regards to your health problem, have you seen any TCM to find out more?
Maybe you can try this herbs name “SABAH SNAKE GRASS” it’s easy to drink. Blend a few pieces of leaves (5-10pcs) with green / *red apple (*if you have Gastric problem) and 1 cup of water and drink in the morning 1 hour before breakfast or 2 hours after breakfast. It’s good for cure for some illness (individual’s body).
Take a look at this link below. Perhaps you can find miracle here (just like me)
You can buy this plant and grow it yourself at home.
One pot cost you S$5/- you may purchase it from any nursery (S$5 is from the Jalan Bahar nursery).
Hope this helps you… God bless.

Emily July 9, 2014 at 9:30 AM

Dear Joanne,
Thanks for your kind message and recommendation. I’m currently seeing a rheumatologist at Gleneagles and still on medication. I will check out the link that you’ve provided.

Thanks again and have a great day!


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