It’s 10pm now as I’m writing this post. I don’t know why I think about this topic again. It could be because someone told me straight to my face that I’m a selfish mother because I stopped at one. He further commented that if the Hubby and I leave this world one day, Edison will be all alone.
That’s why I’m always hoping that Edison will find a good wife and get married early. And have his own children, hopefully more than one.
Every time someone brought this issue up, I feel so sad. But I didn’t tell anyone, not even the Hubby. That person didn’t know about my medical condition, so I didn’t blame him for passing such an unkind comment. And I also didn’t bother to explain to him. We’re not that close anyway.
That moment (two years ago) when my rheumatologist told me that my immunosuppressant medication can potentially cause birth abnormalities to foetus, it saddened me to no end. I have to take this medication in long term; otherwise I will risk kidney failure and death within two years.
Sounds depressing, I know. And this is the major factor in our decision to not to have another child. Even though at times, we thought of adopting a foster child, but at the end we didn’t. It’s because I don’t have the confidence in taking care of a foster child.
Ever since I was diagnosed with this medical condition, I see my life differently. I have seen people who are suffering from cancer and terminal disease, and they are going through a very difficult time in their life. While most of the people in this world are living happily in good health, they are silently mourning at their sufferings.
For my case, my condition can still be controlled with medication and routine blood test. There is no pain, so I can live my life like any other healthy person. I can work, I can eat, I can exercise, and I can travel to anywhere I want.
Most importantly, I realized that the simple joy of being alive, being able to move freely, and being able to live with my loved ones are daily blessings that I should never take for granted.
Still, the only discomfort that I’m experiencing now is nasal crusting. I need to clean my nose regularly with nasal rinse to remove the crusts. If I don’t, the crusts will accumulate and cause nasal congestion, and eventually a massive nose bleed. It really frustrates me to no end sometimes.
Since Edison is 7 now, we’re well out of diapers, potty training and terrible two or terrible three phase. I’m perfectly happy being a mom to a schooling boy.
We enjoy each other’s company. What I want to do now, in my ability and time, is to continue loving him as much as I can, protect him as fiercely as I can, and take care of him as best as I can.
And lastly, I’ve learnt not to be affected by people’s unkind comments anymore.