I love my mom, but there is one thing that I used to hate about her when I was a kid. She yelled too often, it was very annoying and I seriously couldn’t stand it. I told myself that as soon as I’m financially-independent, I would move out of the house. And I really did!
Okay seriously, I moved out because I went to study in a university, but not to avoid her yelling. My mom is 59 years old now, and of course, she doesn’t yell anymore. But as a mom now, I can really understand where the yelling comes from. A lot of times, it’s hard to keep our cool (although it’s not impossible to do so!).
In my parenting journey, one of my biggest battles was YELLING too. It didn’t have to be something major to set me off, but in fact, it felt quite good to yell sometimes (I feel ashamed to admit this). I began to feel like yelling is the only way to get my message across effectively. Whenever I shout, I felt that I regained control of the situation.
But when the moment passed by, I saw my ugly self. I saw ‘this person’ spewing angry words on the person that I love most in this world. I began to feel how much I hated it when my mom yelled at me, and how my son would hate me too. I regretted it.
It scares me whenever I think about that. Shouting is my biggest failure as a parent. I don’t want my son to remember me as a parent who shouted all the time (just the same way I feel for my mom). Sorry, mom.
So, I vowed to change that, and I’m glad I did.
In this post, I’ll share with you six ways to stop, or at least avoid, yelling at your kids.
1. It’s often easier to stop something before it begins. So, find out what usually triggers your yelling. If you can identify those things, then you can work out ways to either let them go or deal with them better.
2. Take your time. Realize that you don’t need to react immediately in most circumstances (unless your kid is in danger!). When you give yourself time to think and decide on your next course of action, you’ll unlikely end up yelling.
3. Learn to lower your stress level. Trying to do so many tasks by yourself will cause too much stress. Just be there with your kids, and they will less likely to misbehave and trigger your yelling.
4. When you’re on the verge of yelling, just take a deep breath and walk away. It’s simple and yet I find it most effective. It’s okay to walk away, calm down and think things through. Perhaps it’s not a big deal after all. After you regain your composure, you’ll tackle the problem without an itch to yell.
5. Manage your wants and expectations. It’s important for us, parents, to know and understand our child’s capabilities – because this can help us to become more patient. Understanding equals patience. When we’re able to accept our kids as they are, we’ll love them as they are. We’ll then realize that the root cause of the problem simply lies with how we react.
6. Learn to let go and when to laugh it off. Along with understanding, learn to loosen up is equally important too. Do something that makes everyone laugh can really change the tone of the situation. It’s hard to stay angry when you’re being funny. It’s hard to yell when you’re busy telling a joke. Being funny is enough to remind myself to be the parent I want to be.
Sometimes, yelling or raising your voice isn’t all bad. When we need to raise our voice to keep them safe, such as when they’re running recklessly across the street, we just need to do it. Using a raised voice in this instance will prove more effective if yelling isn’t the daily disciplinary action for everything.
Remember this – if yelling is over-used, it will be ignored. Kids simply tune it (you) out. In addition, kids model our behaviour. Yelling at our kids also breeds a pattern of yelling at their own kids in the future.
If you have any wonderful tips to stop yelling at kids, I’d love to hear from you too. Drop me a comment here. And if you feel someone might benefit from this post, feel free to share it on your social media.
I end this post with a very interesting quote here. Have a nice week ahead!
“If it isn’t life threatening, if the house is not ablaze, if it is not an emergency, or if the child you are yelling to is not half a mile away, then yelling is the wrong choice in parenting.” Anonymous.