Celebrating My Second Twenty Years Old: Thoughts & Emotions

Next week, I’ll be celebrating my second twenty years old. Let me count. One, two, three, four and five, six, seven, eight, nine… more than ten strands of grey hair easily found. Give up already, stop counting lol.

At every birthday, I’ve been a little proud of the year under my belt. But this year, it feels different. I have all sorts of mixed feelings. I want to celebrate. I don’t want to celebrate. I’m sad. I’m no longer 30s. I’m happy. I have what I’ve always wanted. Now, I just want to crawl under the covers.

Still, the number 4 freaks me out. It’s kind of like a grieving for the loss of a “younger me”. Saying goodbye to a part of me, and moving on to the next phase of my life.

I looked at myself in the mirror, much longer than before. I have more crow’s feet than I thought I would. I have stretch marks on my belly. The frontal third of my hair is thinning much faster now. Signs of aging are everywhere – but look – I have a beautiful son to show for it.

My beautiful son!

I also felt that 40 is a reflective age. It makes you look back and think about your achievements (or lack of) and whether you are (or not) where you thought you would be at 40. I guess by 40, you’re expected to be well in most aspects of your life. It’s about meeting expectations, yours and others. Whether you have a great career, a house, a car, family, and how much savings in the bank.

While we may feel pressured, there’s really no need to feel embarrassed about our age. I don’t feel the need to hide it either. And I don’t need a lot of Botox to make me look young. Yes, I’m 40 now. So what? My life goal is not to look young forever, but to age with grace and to be comfortable in my own skin.

“Happiness is about accepting yourself and aspiring to be a better person.”

Overall, I’m satisfied with what I have achieved and what I have when I turn 40. Given a choice, I wouldn’t want to go back to my first twenty years old – even though I was much younger and heathier back then.

Sunshine makes me happy! =)

That’s because at 40 years old, I know what really makes me happy. Spending time with my family, blog when I have time, learn a new skill and travel more often. That’s it! Life feels a lot less complicated and less competitive now.

“True Happiness does not come from materials.”

As I grow older, I also realize that my true inner happiness does not come from material things. Take for example a $50 or a $500 wallet – they both do the same job in keeping our cash and cards secure. I don’t go for a $500 branded wallet. Trust me, my wallet costs just $30. Don’t say I’m cheapo, I’m just frugal lol.

Yesterday, I spent the entire hour walking in a shopping mall alone while waiting to fetch Edison from his tuition. Ten years ago, I could have walked out with my arms full of shopping bags. But now, it was nothing! I was planning to buy something for myself – for my birthday. But much to my surprise, I spent the time reading in a book store.

When the time was up, I walked over to fetch Edison. The moment he saw me, he flashed a broad grin and ran to hug me. At that instance, I felt that I was the happiest. Are all mothers the same?

“Happiness is free and it’s easier than you think.”

What’s more important for me is to be with him. Thus, I’d rather spend on beautiful experiences with him or things that could help me capture those experiences. Hence, I’ve been eyeing on an action camera that can take videos and go underwater. It will be truly useful when we go on our vacation. And so, V bought me this for my birthday.

“Happiness is… loving and being loved!”

I am who I am today because of the last 40 years that shaped me. I think that the older you get, the closer you become to the “real you”. You have less time for useless things and more appreciation for the little things. You’re no longer obsessed with material things and social media.