Next week, I’ll be celebrating my second twenty years old. Let me count. One, two, three, four and five, six, seven, eight, nine… more than ten strands of grey hair easily found. Give up already, stop counting lol.
At every birthday, I’ve been a little proud of the year under my belt. But this year, it feels different. I have all sorts of mixed feelings. I want to celebrate. I don’t want to celebrate. I’m sad. I’m no longer 30s. I’m happy. I have what I’ve always wanted. Now, I just want to crawl under the covers.
Still, the number 4 freaks me out. It’s kind of like a grieving for the loss of a “younger me”. Saying goodbye to a part of me, and moving on to the next phase of my life.
I looked at myself in the mirror, much longer than before. I have more crow’s feet than I thought I would. I have stretch marks on my belly. The frontal third of my hair is thinning much faster now. Signs of aging are everywhere – but look – I have a beautiful son to show for it.
My beautiful son!
I also felt that 40 is a reflective age. It makes you look back and think about your achievements (or lack of) and whether you are (or not) where you thought you would be at 40. I guess by 40, you’re expected to be well in most aspects of your life. It’s about meeting expectations, yours and others. Whether you have a great career, a house, a car, family, and how much savings in the bank.
While we may feel pressured, there’s really no need to feel embarrassed about our age. I don’t feel the need to hide it either. And I don’t need a lot of Botox to make me look young. Yes, I’m 40 now. So what? My life goal is not to look young forever, but to age with grace and to be comfortable in my own skin.