The Day I Realized I’m a Changed Person

I’ve been wanting to blog about this incident that happened last month, but the words just came and fade away. So when mommy blogger Klessis started her new linky on “My Valentine’s Day Special”, I thought it was time for me to sit down, think about it and start churning out this post.

Last month, V and I had a quarrel. Quite a bad one, I would say, and it ended up with me dashing out of the house and slamming the door. I drove our boy to his English class, and I went to a restaurant to relish in some silence and good food. Then, I realized it’s been so long since I last dine out on my own.

During that one hour, I stared at this photo. The first thing that came into my mind was – How long have we been married? Almost eight years. That’s a very long time.

V1

And I still remember how he sheepishly slipped his passport photo (taken more than ten years ago!) into my wallet. He made me laugh for days, but that photo remains intact in my wallet for years, until today.

I chuckled again at the sight of it, and suddenly, the memories of us rewind, play and fast forward all at once. It’s amazing to discover how a photo can bring a flood of memories to me! Maybe that’s the reason why he put this photo into my wallet.

V and I may look like a calm, happy and normal couple. But recently, we quarrelled a lot over trivial issues, and it really drives me crazy. Nope, we don’t have serious issues like gambling addiction, extra-marital affairs, debts, lies or anything of sorts.

Sometimes, we quarrelled just because he was late for a mere five minutes. In the midst of a quarrel, unkind words are spoken (unintentionally) and the other party is hurt. He blamed me for my mood swing as a side effect from the medication that I’m taking. And I feel hurt with his insensitivity towards my plight.

We’re not as dramatic as my parents-in-law though. I heard that my mom-in-law used to ran out with a chopper or hot water when she quarrelled with my dad-in-law (of course just to scare him and no one gets hurt). LOL.

Nonetheless, V and I can be very loud too, and if we don’t close the door, our neighbours might threaten to call the police.

When the frequency of our quarrels increases, I was stung by the realization that I’m indeed a changed person now. Why can’t I be more considerate, thoughtful and patient like I used to be? Sometimes, I really want to send myself for marriage counselling. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

Before marriage, it was easy to be considerate and thoughtful when he was all that I could ever think about. But when the honeymoon was over, both of us eased into marriage life and not long after that, Little Edison entered the picture. And we struggled with parenthood for a while.

Now, there are lots of works to be done, a house to keep, bills to pay, anxiety from raising a family, and at the end of the day, I’m exhausted – both physically and mentally. As years went by, my mind loses space for this person – who used to occupy almost every brain cell in me.

I think less about him, and sometimes I even forget.

Today, I take a step back to re-evaluate my role as his wife. I pray for passion now. And I pray for thoughtfulness to return again.

I thought of all the wonderful things that he did to me. Two years ago when I had to undergo two sinus operations, I remember how he has provided me with endless support and care. When my nose bled heavily after the operation, he immediately left his workplace and rushed me to the hospital.

In addition, he’s always very attentive with his little act of services like helping to pump petrol for my car, top-up my cash-card without being told, buy groceries (he knows that I don’t like to go to supermarket), and he can even cook.

And then, I realize just how lucky I am to find someone like him. Someone who makes a wonderful father, someone who loves me despite my many faults, someone who shares my adventures and misadventures, and above all, someone who will always be there for me unconditionally.

I want to walk the road of life with him.

V2

“I love you, dear! I’m lucky to have you as my husband, through the good and bad times, I will always be there for you, just like you’ve always been there for me.”

Flower

Our Story

When I met V for the first time through an online dating website, I told myself that he’ll be the last guy I’m going to meet.

If things don’t work out, I’ll remain single for the rest of my life. I’ve met and dated a few guys before V, but none of them were committed for a long-term relationship, except one that left me after two years, and left me devastated and hopeless.

In early 2006 when I had almost given up on finding love, I met V. Unknowingly, this last guy turned out to be the one that I’ll spend the rest of my life with. By our fifth date, I could feel that we were both head over heels in love with each other.

We got along very well, we appreciate each other’s presence, and most importantly, we were ready to settle down. We tied the knots within a year, and I got pregnant with Little Edison shortly after that. I was so blessed to have found him.

For the next five year, we struggled with parenthood and developed a very strong love for our son. We both worked hard to provide a comfortable living for our son. A lot of times, I felt that I was too focused being a mother that I’ve forgotten being a wife. But V is very understanding and he didn’t blame me at all, even though I can sense his unhappiness sometimes.

On the other hand, V balances the role of a husband and father well. He is always there for me and he provides me with endless support and care whenever I need it most. He’s also a full-time hands-on daddy who can feed, shower, read books, and play with.

In Dec last year, when I had my first sinus operation, he took a week off to take care of me. He accompanied me all the way to the operating theatre until the very last point where he was not allowed to enter. He promised to wait outside for me.

He waited for hours outside the operating theatre until the operation was over, and until he got the assurance from my surgeon that the operation was successful. I was still unconscious after the operation, but I could feel his presence in my ward.

During my stay in the hospital, he had to travel to and fro to take care of me, and to bring our son to visit me. After the operation, he had to take time-off again to accompany me for my subsequent check-ups. It was physically tiring for him, but I never heard a single word of complaint.

All I get from him are comforting words and assurance that I’ll recover soon. He is always calm, supportive, and positive.

Today, I’m going for my second operation (unexpectedly). I’m eternally grateful for his love, patience, support, care and being with me. Because of him, I’m no longer nervous about my operation. I’m all positive and confident that I’ll recover very soon.

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Dear V,

Thanks for being a good husband. I’m grateful for your love, patience, care and support. Thanks for fighting this ‘war’ with me, and I want to tell you that we’ll sure win.

With Love,

Your wifey

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Love is Not Always a Bed of Roses

I believe marriage – like life – is defined as much by the problems that have to be overcome together, as a husband and wife.

I’m old enough to know that marriage is not always a bed of roses. In every relationship, there are ups and downs. It is not always perfect and conflict-free.

And LOVE is about confronting these issues and overcoming them without hurting the other party. This is possibly one of the things that are hard to achieve, and it’s my weakness too.

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My husband and I had numerous fights and arguments too – some of them were dramatic and serious. Just last week, we had a huge fight. We were screaming at each other so loudly and we were in a car along the expressway. Little Edison and our helper were seated in the rear, they were so worried but they didn’t dare to say a word. I was so angry that I ignored him for the whole day.

But no matter how hard we fight, we will eventually forgive and forget. We will always move on. Love is about forgiveness, because when we really love someone, we have to forgive them and be patient with their mistakes. And that’s the greatest power of LOVE.

When I think about it again, I can’t even remember why we had such a big fight. It could be possibly due to my impatience and his bad-temperedness – these two elements is a bad combination and the ‘evil’ in our relationship.

Whenever I’m angry with him, I will also remember him as the man, who would boil bitter guard soup for me when I’m sick, give me support and stand by me when I’m down, drive my car to the petrol station when I’m busy, tell me silly jokes when I’m sad and protect me when I was bullied.

I constantly remind myself that I’m blessed to have such a wonderful husband. And automatically, my anger will disappear. It’s magical.

LOVE is a long journey. LOVE is a lot of hard works too.

 

Marriage is Like a Car

I saw this comment from my friend, Florence, in Facebook and it makes me think about my marriage.

Quoted from Florence, “A marriage is like a car, it needs maintenance and servicing for the car to last! Just that you can’t change partners every 3 years.” The last sentence is pretty amusing.

Anyway, what Florence said is so true. Marriage life is often dominated by the daily grind and hustle and bustle of work, financial issues, children and household chores. The romance seems to have lost somewhere in the hectic pace. How can we keep our marriage healthy, happy and still have some sparks flying around?

I’ve been married to V for four years now. We’re still full of happiness. We have our delicious home-cooked food, mini projects at home, holiday plans, savings plans, daily rants as well as laughter, strong support for each other and random jokes from V. I can still describe my marriage life as happy and healthy, although there aren’t much sparks as compared to our younger days.

In general, V and I are very different in terms of temperaments and personalities. We’re not always aligned too. We do argue when there is a difference in opinion, but we don’t fight. We remain silent and stop talking to each other for a while after every argument. But eventually, one or both of us will give in and make up. Most importantly, we forgive and we forget.

I guess marriage life with young children can be enjoyable and satisfying too, as long as we can find ways to connect to each other on a regular basis. Do you agree?