Real Mom’s Secret (Part 3)

Continued from Real Mom’s Secret (Part 2). Today, I’m going to share with you another three secrets of real mothering.

Secret # 4

We need to be a good role model and give our children an example that is worth copying.

In fact, the most important secret of real mothering is to recognize that our children learn by watching and listening. Our children witness how we react to stress and they mimic our actions. They hear how we speak, and they talk the same way to their peers. It is quite scary to realize how influential we can be in our children’s lives.

Having said that, our everyday life is like a text book to our children. What we model to our children everyday is far more important than all the enrichment classes, tutoring and flash cards. We need to recognize this important teaching tool of modeling and be aware of the tremendous influence they have on our children’s lives.

Secret # 5

We teach values and inspire characters.

Firstly, we must understand our family’s values as they are the foundation for how our children grow, learn and function in this world. It boils down to the philosophy of how we want to live our family life. From there, we develop moral codes for our children and we are always mindful of these codes and practice them ourselves.

By doing this, the real benefits to our children will be strong characters and a moral compass. These values will give our family a vision and a purpose.

Secret # 6

We support our children’s strengths and build their confidence.

Doscovering our children’s unique qualities and strengths is the most crucial parenting task. We need to learn to tailor our mothering to fit our children’s individual needs. We should be mindful that each child is different, and thus, we cannot assume that the same discipline approach to work on each child.

We must recognize our children’s strengths, natural talents and personality. The more we understand our children, the more effective we will be in our mothering.

It may be difficult to fully understand the concept of each secret by just reading the short description that I’ve written. In the book, Dr. Borba includes real stories from mothers that she interviewed during her research. After reading the stories, I can deeply understand the meaning and consequences of each secret.

If you’re interested, you can pick up this book from the public library and have a good read! I would highly recommend it.

Read all the posts on Real Mom’s Secret HERE.


Real Mom’s Secret (Part 2)

I didn’t plan to write about Real Mom’s Secret today because it is Friday. I should write about something more interesting rather than a book. However, I really run out of idea of what to write today.

So, please excuse my boring post today.

I’ve read about one-third of the book now. Today, I would like to share with you the first three secrets of real mothering from the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D.

Secret # 1

If our children have unconditional love, they will be more likely to thrive.

Of course, all mothers love their children but unconditional love goes deeper and it’s about our complete acceptance of our children’s true selves. And that includes all their weaknesses and flaws. Happy kids are being loved with no strings attached.

Secret # 2

We must set consistent limits and standards of behavior so that our children will learn to act right even without our presence.

No mother wants to reprimand their children. Our goal is to raise happy kids who are well-behaved. When they are getting on the wrong track, it’s time for us to apply some limits. By being consistent and using the right discipline, our relationship with our children will improve and our children will behave the way we hope them to be.

Secret # 3

We must give our children complete attention.

Listening with full presence is one of the most precious gifts we can give to our children. When we stop what we are doing to focus totally on our children, we are conveying our love and acceptance. It’s a total willingness to let our children know that we’re there for them.

This may sound easy, but it is not. For busy mothers like us, most of the time we’re multi-tasking when we are talking to our children. We are listening, and at the same time, our eyes and hands are also busy with something else.

Switch off the mobile phone, shut down the computer and stop the work. Sit close to our children, look at them and listen to them completely. It feels very different, really. I’ve tried it and I felt the effects instantly.

Part 3 of Real Mom’s Secret is coming up next week. Please stay tuned.

Read all the posts on Real Mom’s Secret HERE.


Real Mom’s Secret (Part 1)

I made an introduction of the book 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know by Michele Borba, Ed.D. two weeks ago. Do you still remember? If not, you can read the post here.

Today, I’m going to share with you the first part of the book. It talks about real mothering and how a real mom can give her children love that lasts forever. That’s exactly our wish, am I right?

Many mothers today are suffering from what can only be described as a kind of frenzy – an abnormally high level of busyness, tension, stress, anxiety and even panic. They’re overwhelmed trying to be a supermom, to fulfill the expectations placed on them.

Have they ever wonder if it’s worth all their time, energy and money that they’ve spent? Do their kids really benefit from all the splendid extracurricular activities, tutorials and enrichment classes that they are attending? Obsessive mothering is not helping the children to become happy and mature young adults, and may in fact be doing them more harm than good.

Dr. Borba talks about how our children’s and family’s lives have changed over the past two decades. We accelerated our parenting and hurried the pace even more. Growing number of kids are suffering from burn-out due to more activities and school works.

I stop and ponder for a while. Our children may have better quality of life, but their future is much more stressful than us. I couldn’t stop thinking of how much mothering has changed since our mom raised us. In my opinion, mothering doesn’t have to be this hard and stressful. It should be fun, rewarding and joyous.

How can we slow down? You may ask.

Part one of this book shows us how to make easy adjustments that can give a dramatic impact on the family. The true essence of real mother lies in who we are and how we connect with our children. Make a change if we are overwhelmed trying to become a supermom.

We can certainly raise happy and confident kids with good characters. And without the stress factor.


12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know

Last Saturday, Daddy V had to work. Instead of rotting at home and did nothing, I decided to bring Little Edison to Bishan Public Library.

Bishan Public Library has a vast variety of children and preschooler books. Their children’s collection is located at Basement 1. There are children’s tables and chairs, activity room as well as multimedia stations.

I asked Little Edison to pick up a book for me to read with him. He looked around and he picked up a few books. We sat on the colorful stools and read the books together. It’s amazing how he can spend almost one hour in the library reading books with me. He has really good attention span.

I browsed through the family and parenting collection and this book caught my attention. It’s called 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, by Dr. Michele Borba. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve read a parenting book. So, I borrowed it from the library.

It’s indeed a very interesting book – packed with practical approaches to parenting we need to know to be a “real mom” to great kids instead of going crazy on the supermom track. The tone of this book is warm, encouraging and hopeful.

Dr. Borba uses the first part of her book to explain what a “real mom” is as well as the “sacrificial mom.” This is one of the examples that she highlighted in her book:

“We’re no longer just managing our kids’ lives: we’re micromanaging their existence, right down to the very last detail. In doing so, we’re moving even further away from what really matters when it comes to good mothering.”

“All our obsessive and hyper mothering is not helping our kids become happy and mature young adults and may in fact be doing them more harm than good.”

She defines this as “over-parenting” and she believes that this trend is ultimately harmful to the children.

The second part of the book spells out Dr. Borba’s twelve simple secrets of real mothering. In the book, she includes testimonials from real mothers that she interviewed during her research.

I enjoy reading this book. It is very thought provoking. I’m going to share with you some of the interesting pointers from this book as I progress through it.